Ideas

There are shadows and thoughts
some light the days
some haunt the nights
and rest black the sunshine in my mind

There are ideas and muses
some challenge the interest
some insult the curiosity
rest free the soul
which escapes with the kites

filled with distress sings the fluit of nerves
a silent melody for some half-forgotten summer dreams
a perpetual pandemonium inside a chronic thought flu
A lost world which now even my memories can't find

Ideas still charm their way in
with promises of escape to an unseen world
but all promises are like butterflies which die early
except the wild one's that come with doubts of their own

more to come!

sing along the tune you believe..
your heart knows the rythm blue...
may be its not what the world wanna hear ..
but then ur audience was always u !!

don't be somebody whom you are not..
stop ignoring things only you have got..
why do you break apart from what is true..
afterall you were born to be you

This isn't the first time dear
I have missed many a flights
Waiting up for hope and yet sliding down
Blinded by the tunnel-end lights

Drinking the pain till its light white
I can't think of anything but you
Take me in your wake again
I wanna see my dreams come true

Oh Childhood I yearn for thee
Why did I ever grow up
Only to loose all i love
n now the only way I can be with you
is through my memories !!

I miss the times before we met
I miss the times when I didn't miss you
I tried to convince me a thousand ways n failed
that love doesn't always
need to get better of every man's reason !

You walk away yet again
How smoothly,oh how effortlessly
As if you didn't change my life
as if nothing ever happened at all


feint the anger,distrust the sadness, meet the joy n tread the pain


There are shadows and thoughts
some light the days
some haunt the nights
and rest black the sunshine in my mind

Meaningless

Note the time note the moment
the time is now
just make the comment
Life is leaving u - realize it or not
And u r deader inside
More insensitive now than what u thought

Can u see the mirror with the broken glasses
and ur reflections that take weird shapes
Scaring u with their inherent ugliness
That mirror's ur life and you are losing the stakes

But then the mirror was always broken
It's strange how u never noticed
Judged urself by the weird shapes u saw in it
Twisted urself to fit in till ur purity was bruised

Think , O idiot,now think again
What was the basic idea u had started with
U think the battle is won but what about ur essence
u still sure u havn't lost it to this bullshit !! ?

Reason

Patience drying up
Hope waning down
Depression catching up
Reality bogs me down

Life always a step ahead
no matter how worthy victory seems
Its amazing how slippery the way is
One wrong foot and down crumbles the dream

Things still end on the same note
Its just a matter of time
Till we learn to give up
and Body answers the call divine

The achievements if any in life
are forgotten sooner than the changes in season
all that matters is survival of fittest
Learning to run till u lose the reason

We forget the magic and promise of enchantment
the glow and the distant sound of drums
The dreams lie unfulfilled and shattered
Survival is possible only till we violate the terms

When will the terms hold and the world be mine
When will dreams learn to live on
Light stops casting a shadow
And Darkness forget how to shine

Come Life, come back ;
I promise to love u for what you are
Hold my hand gently even as I tug
Esacpe the reason to escape;teach me to run that far !

Anything for you M'am !!

It all started with an inevitability
I knew I wouldn't commit nor would you
Maybe thats the reason I let off my guard
And let the attachment grew

But attachment grew more than I bargained for
To a point u became my necessity
And I found myself sucked in the whirlwind so fast
I never realized what happened was a possibility

It was a mistake a blunder on my part
Cos I always knew your limitations and mine
Even now I accept its my problem not yours
So trust me I need no help.. I am fine

But lets see why it happened in the first place
What exactly made me fall for you
Was it the trust,ur innocence or your beauty
Or was it the connection I shared only with you

I don't remember how it all started
Believe me I never intended it to happen
Just know ..your beauty wasn't the reason
Nor was my passion

Do u still remember the times we shared
The everyday chats during our daily chores
You unknowingly touched my heart a million ways
It had just never happened to me before

You were my long-forgotten dream come true
You were like me in so many ways
I could trust you for accepting me as I am
It was almost like the end of days

I shared for perhaps the first time
my heart,dreams and my soul
I knew I was going to lose you someday
But I still bared open my core

Guess you taught me to risk myself
For what I knew won't happen again to me
Maybe you find me strange now
Still its just the way things were; as I see

But there was no way you could understand this
It was afterall a breach of friendship and trust
So what if my attachment was way outside limits
It was still destined to bite the dust

So I turned the truth into a lie
Twisted the facts to fit the theory
U were happy to view things that way
But the strain has made me dreadfully weary

I decided to bade farewell on the same note
T'was impossible to justify things-- no matter how I tried
There wasn't even slightest chance I had with truth
But you earned the right to know when for me u cried

I knew you weren't ready for the truth
and it couldn't be diluted for your tastes
But it was last chance there was for you
to know this; cos u showed me u cared

Is it a crime to care and love ?
Why then I don't feel guilty for my actions
What you mean is something so personal to me
I am almost oblivious to all moral sanctions

I mean no harm,no trouble no anger
Its enough for me if you know
Don't bother to even give me a reply
I know you won't and I don't want a row

But all u did was to categorise me in ur list
as yet another loser moron ; who failed yet again
I was reduced into a caricature in a list so long
I had lost all my uniqueness; for you in ur brain

Oh If only I could do the same
Find a category to categorise you into
I tried but for you no category ever matched
So I created one special just for you

You must have met so many like me
But you see; you were the only one I met
Can you empathise what I really mean ?
Again I know its something you can't really get

You haunted my sleep when I tried not to think of you
Loneliness hit me at all times without warning
There was no-one I could look upto for relief
I got up in writhing pain every damn morning

Seems I need to escape my dreams to escape you
Which depends on how cleverly I lie
A lie so convincing that it covers every damn feeling
I lose yet again but atleast I can smile

If this lie is what it takes to keep you happy
Then so be it - a liar I am
Truth won't knock your door ever again
I will take care of it -Anything for you M'am !!

Perfect times !!

Wanna forget evrything n start anew ..
crazy memories pull me behind ..
Free times make matters worse
n i cant help but be slave of my mind..

Can I lie well enough to find a getaway..
an escape door which saves me from my dream..
to not rmember ppl who touched me in their own ways..
n gave me unforgettable memories in a life so short n grim

But forget I will ;those perfect times
Sun will lose its light and water won't wet my eyes
Leaves turn yellow early this summer
and yet clock still runs n I run behind

Things that mean nothing to you

Why do you look at me like this?
Do you even know that I love you
Its time for me to go and
all things whirling have finally gone still
we no longer have luxury of distractions
to hide away from the only truth I know

and yet why do you hide all the time ?
From what we shared and what we did'nt
and accept for once what we are about to lose..
can't you see this is the end
of all that cud have been had I tried
I could have made you much happier
But then I lost my way when I lied

So why do we still lie all the time?
I am tired of lying to myself about you
Truth is no more a choice for me
Its the only option I have
and yet you now find me
dishonest in my intentions

Why can't you have a little mercy on me?
Can you not see how exhausted I am
yet unable to think of anything except you
Is it my pain that amuses you
or is it the fact that
you know you are the solution
that heals it

And will you just stop expecting me to be normal?
You won't be so cruel if you could sense
something dying inside me everytime I silence myself
for all the times I cared about you and never showed
and what these moments with you ever meant
to me in my life and my soul

Atleast hate me for ignoring you
please punish me
for my inability to treat you
as a stranger I don't care about
But then I can fake nomore
This is the only thing I can't do for you
even if you shout
Trust me, this is best gesture I can possibly show
Won't ever betray you for my heart
I know what my wavering eyes might tell you
Secrets better left unsaid ;as we part

Pardon me ,but grant me one last favor
Would you remember me atleast? Would you remember me at all?
Why do you laugh at me now?
Show me some consideration some feeling;no matter how small

Please forgive me for my weakness
and for this silent acceptance of defeat
I know; cry as much as I may inside
In this life we will never meet....

Little dreams

Little men with little dreams
all struggling to make some sense
of their life that offers them no respite
and coming to terms with pain and pretense

How things do matter no-one understands
but all jump right in with half a stance
survival is the call of the day
Whether they will succeed is part of chance

Never giving even a passing thought
To what we were born to be and what's our core
of what would have made us happier
and make us love ourselves and our work just a tinge more

and so life moves on
With a thousand sorrows
and we turn out to be a survivor
with no tomorrow

Not that we give a damn to the moment
Just half-glad that we are still half-alive
We'd rather fill ourselves with longing
Than to dream a dream and really strive

Just a shoddy look-a-like
of all what we could have been
All we try is to size our goals with every failing
To match an uncertain future
that we wish remain forever unseen

Randomica !!

the nothingness in the mind
the tiredness of sleep
and the wisdom of giving up
is all similar ;
try as you may
you get a level higher
and come down faster than a
speeding train;
the mind is simply dumb in dealing with hollowness;
and sharp enough to understand tricks for distraction,
simply though we are more eager in losing
than understand the joy in winning
its so simple to be moderate and
so delightful to be a loser
more or less mind realises that
heart has nothing to keep it interested forever
the hollowness is used up for creating a
deep vaccuum which means the mind can play more games
the tired heart loses to the powerful mind
as happiness loses to boredom
as simplicity loses to complexity
all means lead to point when all
die internal deaths
while the masquerade of life must
not fade
internally though there's no interest
no hope no life no sleep
while externally the mind tries to
reason out all doom as peace
and when nothing matters
nothingness comes costly
we spend all our blood to
be a shadow of our thoughts
while all our thoughts
materialise in someone else's sleep
Brilliance is a boredom to
the heart
and feelings remain a yawn to
to the mind

This Time!!

we knew we could walk together
and we tried
but the road ended
it was too short a road
maybe we needed to construct a new road
even longer than the one before
and we did build a road together
for just us to walk upon
which diverged,converged and dead-ended all the time
but we kept finding our way through
sometimes the narrowness of the path allowed
only one of us to walk
and the other followed right behind
We created our own path
that defied all dead-ends
with Fun,frolic and some indelible memories of time past
which will stay with us still we can feel anything at all inside

But now its inevitably the time to say good-bye
our journey ends here
we both know that
but we still tread bravely never once flinching
till we reach the point
hardening our hearts
and ignoring all our emotions
which are suddenly dry
we knew all too well inside
time will cure our hollowness
and patience will keep us afloat
we could'nt have been more right
when finally we did part
all i cud ham is i will miss u
u said something similar
never once betraying ur self-control
both pretty sure we will be allright
but still half-expecting the other to break down first
sadly we both won
and now as we walk away on our separate paths
which we are sure could never converge again
I can't stop this silent but uncontrollable dread creeping inside
of whether we missed the point the entire time?
and I finally realize our tragedy
As I see you as a tiny speck miles away
But I dont have you
to confide in this time
if only we could share one more moment
before I loose you forever ; to time !

To my friend(dedicated to an old friendship now long lost)

I was sure things will change,my friend
as they already have
and you dont remember me as you did once
perhaps now the same connection exists within us
which exists with a stranger which smiles back at you fakely
you find him better than me
cos I dont even smile anymore
and a lot happened
which makes me unworthy of any smiles from you
But maybe on some autumn day years later
when you find your thoughts inadequate
to stop some thread going back through those thick veils
of your memory back to that quaint evening in the childhood
you might find me waiting in the rain
under the same tree in front of our school with my bicycle
glancing at my water-proof watch
which has stopped working
looking expectantly at those water-logged streets
for you to come by
bit annoyed
cos am getting late
and you cant go
if i dont pedal you back home from school
The clouds thunder mercilessly
and its getting dark and scary
and as their fury roll down I find my
patience slide away
in the muddy waters which now reflect
the blackness of the skies
I can still feel that moist sound in my ears
That moment little did I knew that
you were watching me through the sills of the
classroom window punished for something we wont remember
with a wet face and eyes slowly
urging time to make me wait just a while longer
cos you knew I wouldnt
I cant recall what happened later
with all this rain falling down my face and
sounds crashing in my ears
I cant remember a thing
just the way these years have washed our happy memories away from us
like that rain washed away the silt
I don't know how it matters after all these years
But I am sure in your mind you would like to remember
that I deserted you in the rain
soaking wet in the night
and things were never the same between us
with always a thin line of misconfidence in our tight bond of affection
and the years that passed rolled us down to a place
where we are no better than strangers
Maybe you are right
you always are
But in my mind I am sure I did wait
cos for all you know my friend
When I think of that rainy evening
scanning my hazy memories
I still find myself standing under the same tree
waiting in darkness for you
desperately praying that you would find me somehow before my impatience does
My watch shows me no time
and the rain promises never to stop ..
but surprisingly that evening never seems to grow into a night for me !!

When to look at the stars !!

For months you theorize
But only to realize
that life can take a turn
when everything u ever did
gets undone
that when u were busy watching the stars
u walked right in
the pit in your path
and u are lost since
in aeons of haze
full of sneering smiles

But then a time comes
when the gloom scatters
and darkless paves the way
for hope to light the days
and dreams ask yet again
the address to ur thoughts
At such moments
I can only hope
that u would somehow summon the courage
to stop licking your scars
when you could rather be
looking up above; at the stars
Scintillating in the night
just for you to see
beckoning yet again
for you to reach out at them

the dream once dead
re-incarnates as ur own
But just take a moment to wait
for that resurgence of faith
as you believe in its beauty
all over again ... !!!!